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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:49:48 GMT -5
I hate it when people ask me what I will be doing in 5 years time.
Come on, I don't have 2020 vision.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:49:58 GMT -5
Steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:50:15 GMT -5
What does a Mexican put under his carpet? Underlay underlay underlay
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:50:29 GMT -5
What did the first pancake say to the second? - I'm batter than you...
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:50:43 GMT -5
Looks like I'll be spending this Valentine's Day...
Obamaself.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:51:01 GMT -5
Past, present, and future walked into a bar.... It was tense.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5
Comedians who tell one too many lightbulb jokes soon burn out.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:51:37 GMT -5
Tell ya my chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:51:56 GMT -5
Had a rough day, and then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages from my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:52:12 GMT -5
How does a penguin build it's house?
Igloos it together.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:52:28 GMT -5
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To Who?
To whom.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:52:44 GMT -5
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:53:02 GMT -5
I went out with a girl called Simile, I don't know what I metaphor.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:53:21 GMT -5
I went on a two week holiday to the south of France.
It was Toulon.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:53:37 GMT -5
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: What's that on your belt?
Pirate: Arrr, It's drivin' me nuts!
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:53:56 GMT -5
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:54:06 GMT -5
Me: Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:54:30 GMT -5
There's no I in denial.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:54:42 GMT -5
My computer sings, it's a Dell.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:00 GMT -5
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:10 GMT -5
I ate a clock yesterday, it was so time consuming.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:20 GMT -5
I'm tired of following my dreams.
I'm just going to ask them where they are going and meet up with them later.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:30 GMT -5
So many herbs, so little thyme.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:47 GMT -5
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:55:58 GMT -5
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:56:10 GMT -5
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
Because he has low Elf esteem
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:56:34 GMT -5
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:56:48 GMT -5
How do you make antifreeze?
Steal her blanket.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:57:01 GMT -5
Did you hear about the guy who jumped off a bridge in Paris?
He was in Seine.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:57:14 GMT -5
There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...
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