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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:30:42 GMT -5
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:31:02 GMT -5
I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the lady behind the till keeps putting it back.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:31:13 GMT -5
Today's top fact:
50% of Canada is A
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:31:30 GMT -5
I love sniffing my F1 key... don't worry though, I'm trying to get help.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:31:53 GMT -5
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:32:19 GMT -5
I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years. I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:32:30 GMT -5
Old yachtsmen don't die... They just keel over.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:32:54 GMT -5
3.14% of sailors are pi-rates.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:33:06 GMT -5
Feeling Cold?
Go stand in a corner for a bit. They are usually around 90 degrees.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:33:16 GMT -5
Bad at golf?
Join the club.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:33:27 GMT -5
I just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:34:11 GMT -5
Have you met my friend Annette?
She's married to a fisherman.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:34:52 GMT -5
Why is Irish whiskey triple distilled?
To be sure, to be sure, to be sure.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:35:15 GMT -5
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:35:31 GMT -5
If you've never tried this, you really otter.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:35:44 GMT -5
Archaeology really is a career in ruins...
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:35:56 GMT -5
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:36:08 GMT -5
If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:36:32 GMT -5
A big cat escaped it's cage at the zoo yesterday.
If I saw that I'd puma pants.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:36:43 GMT -5
My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:37:12 GMT -5
What do you get hanging off banana trees?
Sore arms.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:37:26 GMT -5
I made my wife a cocktail with fairy liquid in it.... She was foaming at the mouth when she tasted it.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:37:58 GMT -5
I hate perforated lines, they're tearable.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:38:11 GMT -5
A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him that's the last thing I need.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:39:36 GMT -5
Whenever I want to start eating healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:39:50 GMT -5
Don't kiss your wife with a runny nose.
You might think it's funny, but it's snot.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:40:04 GMT -5
My friend keeps telling me I'm in the closet.
I just say it's Narnia business.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:40:36 GMT -5
Dad: Where can I get a potato clock?
Son: Why a potato clock?!?
Dad: I've got a new job and my boss said I need to get-a-potato-clock
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:40:58 GMT -5
My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public.
I said maybe.
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Post by River Man on Nov 10, 2022 1:41:12 GMT -5
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
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