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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:24:48 GMT -5
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:25:01 GMT -5
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
A sentence.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:25:12 GMT -5
How tall is the Empire State Building?
One Empire State Building tall.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:25:29 GMT -5
What do you get if you eat too much ice cream?
A stomach ache.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:25:52 GMT -5
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…
Then the illegal logging company I invested in is paying off.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:26:04 GMT -5
Why did the girl drop the crystal vase?
Because she tripped.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:26:30 GMT -5
Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Patient: What’s the bad news?
Doctor: You’re dying!
Patient: What’s the good news?
Doctor: There’s an open mic night tonight downtown. You should go because it’s good to have a bit of levity in this cruel life.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:26:45 GMT -5
Why did the man say hi to the little girl?
Because he was being polite. His mother didn’t raise a man with no respect.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:27:00 GMT -5
What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing, they were strangers!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:27:18 GMT -5
Mary had a little lamb…
and the doctor fainted.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:27:31 GMT -5
How is a laser beam similar to my pet ferret?
Neither of them can whistle!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:27:46 GMT -5
I bought my wife a mood ring.
Found out if she’s in a good mood it turns green.
If she’s in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:28:03 GMT -5
My wife asked me if I thought she was wearing too much makeup.
I told her it depends on whether or not she was trying to kill Batman.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:28:14 GMT -5
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:28:25 GMT -5
A guy walks into a bar…
and orders a pint.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:28:41 GMT -5
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they are very efficient people!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:28:58 GMT -5
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Probably to lay an egg, or maybe eat some corn. Chickens lead pretty dull lives
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:29:12 GMT -5
Having your own child is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:29:31 GMT -5
A scientific fact: If you laid all the veins in the human body end to end…
that person would be dead.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:29:56 GMT -5
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Well, it wouldn’t be financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals somewhere in a largely unpopulated as the jungle.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:30:06 GMT -5
What would you call Santa Claus if he didn’t have any elves?
Probably still Santa Claus.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:30:21 GMT -5
What did one French guy say to another French guy?
Wow, my name is also Guy.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:30:43 GMT -5
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “why the long face?”
The horse, who is in no mood for conversation, promptly turns around and leaves without a word.
The bar manager watches the entire incident unfold and calls the bartender into his office to have a frank and unpleasant discussion about the bartender’s future employment at the establishment.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:33:51 GMT -5
My wife told me I need to go on a diet.
So I told her I’m on the seafood diet…
I only eat fish
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:34:01 GMT -5
What’s the easiest way to confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:34:18 GMT -5
How do you tell a deaf person a joke?
I don’t know, I didn’t learn sign language.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:34:31 GMT -5
What did one ant say to the other ant?
Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:34:45 GMT -5
Why did Sophie get sick after eating an ice cream cone?
She was lactose intolerant.
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:34:56 GMT -5
Why do the dinosaurs laugh at jokes?
Because they have a great sense of humor!
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Post by Keyone1234 on Nov 19, 2022 18:35:14 GMT -5
A priest, a rabbi and an Imam walk into a bar…
The bartender is happy because it’s the most customers he’s had in a week.
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