Quote Dictionary A to Z

[Morose]

How about a quote dictionary?

At the end you can add quotes to the thread and I will edit them into the list.

Quotes will be alphabetized ignoring "a" and "The" and similar words.

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Action

Action taken without thought is like giving an egg a navel.
-Tar Gibbons in Aliens Ate My Homework by Bruce Coville

Adhesive

Dogbert: how do you like your new book- "The History of Glue"?
Dilbert: I couldn't put it down.
-A Dilbert comic strip by Scott Adams reprinted in The Joy of Work by Scott Adams

Advice

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MAD
TO WORK HERE BUT IT HELPS
-a coffee mug in Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

My advice: Just keep moving straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
-George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?

If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star, you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.
-Miss Tick in The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett

You ought to
Take your medication everyday
Be a good dog
Live life in a wonderful way.
-Everclear, "Normal Like You"

Afterlife

Reincarnation is my only hope.
-Asok, the intern in Dilbert by Scott Adams

It may be that we have all lived before and died, and this is Hell.
-A. L. Prusick

Souls were believed to spend the “here, there, and after” in Ethiopia.
-an anonymous student quoted in Non Campus Mentis compiled by Professor Anders Henrikson

Hundreds of people must die in this city every day. I bet they don't have this trouble. They just shut their eyes and wake up being born as someone else, or in some sort of heaven, or I suppose, possibly some sort of hell. Or they go and feast with the gods in their hall, which has never seemed a particularly great idea- gods are all right in their way, but not the kind of people a decent man would want to have a meal with. The Yen Buddhists think you just become very rich. Some of the Klatchians religions say you go to a lovely garden full of young women, which doesn't sound very religious to me...

Windle found himself wondering how you applied for Klathcian nationality after death.

-Windle Poons's thoughts regarding life after death in Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett.

Agriculture

Cube Farmer: I reckon I’ll have to put this one down so he won’t reproduce. Sorry.
Wally: No problem; I hear that a lot.
-Random Acts of Management, a Dilbert collection by Scott Adams

Ambition

Someday I will be so powerful that secretaries will have to explain why they laugh at me.
-Asok, the Intern in Random Acts of Management, a Dilbert collection by Scott Adams

America

To get its edge back, I think what America really needs is evil. Intense, unalloyed, concentrated evil.
-George Carlin (You can file this one under be careful what you wish for)

Answers

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
-James Thurber

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
-Charles Schulz

There ain’t no answer. There ain’t going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That’s the answer.
-Gertrude Stein

Apes

What an ugly beast is the ape, and how like us.
-Cicero

To an engineer, everyone looks like a chimp.
-Dilbert in Words You Don’t Want To Hear During Your Annual Performance Review, a Dilbert collection by Scott Adams

Authority

You show me the people who control the money, the land, and the weapons, and I’ll show you the people in charge.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Or shut up and be a victim of authority.
-Green Day, “Warning”

If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

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Battle Cries

Children, pull on your tights! And give them heck!
-Reggie in Amelia Rules! by Jimmy Gownley

Members of G. A. S. P.! The ‘Force” is with us! The enemy’s gate is down! But a Shadow rises in the East! Which seeks to be the ultimate power in the universe! But by the power of G. A. S. P., we have the power! Yet with great power comes great responsibility! And though Ninja are a superstitious and cowardly lot, we must be Daredevils, the men without fear! Who boldly go where no one has gone before! And when we go, we go in search of Truth, Justice, and the American Way! For the Ninjas must know the truth! For the truth is out there!
-Reggie in Amelia Rules! by Jimmy Gownley

Spoon!
-The Tick

Beer

Always store beer in a dark place.
-Robert Anson Heinlein

Isn't beer best thing to have when you're hurtling through endless space!?!
-Krut in "The Dream is Dead- Gone, Shot Off, All Squashed Flat", Beautiful Stories For Ugly Children issue #30, written by Dave Louapre

Betting

The race may not be to the swift nor the victory to the strong, but that's how you bet.
-Damon Runyon

In a fight between you and the world, bet on the world.
-Franz Kafka

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Capital Punishment

“Do you really think all this deters crime, Mr. Trooper?” he said.
“Well, in the generality of things I’d say it’s hard to tell, given that it’s hard to find evidence of crimes not committed,” said the hangman, giving the trapdoor a final rattle. “But in the specificality, sir, I’d say it’s very efficacious.”
“Meaning what?” said Moist.
“Meaning I’ve never seen someone up here more’n once, sir.”
-conversation between Moist von Lipwig, a condemned con man, and Mr. Trooper, the hangman, in Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life.
-Orrin Hatch

Career Disappointments

I take beautiful pictures of men, flowers, landscapes, rocks, jazz musicians, and other things, but the public is more interested in the women I shoot. It’s not the end of the world. That’s just the way it is.
-Marco Glaviano, Sirens

Children

A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

All children are essentially criminal.
-Dennis Diderot

Pre-adolescence is a rough ride for anyone.
-The Tick in The Tick: “The Tick vs. Brainchild”

Clothing

One must commit acts of the highest treason only when dressed in the most resplendent finery.
-Sebastian O in Sebastian O written by Grant Morrison

The dandy has one unique advantage over the common herd. No matter what the situation, he will always be more exquisitely dressed than his enemies. Therefore, he has already triumphed.
-Sebastian O in Sebastian O written by Grant Morrison

Conformity

Well I try my best to be just like I am,
But everybody wants you to be just like them.
-Bob Dylan, “Maggie’s Farm”

Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Courage

Fortune favors the audacious.
-Erasmus

A man with outward courage dares to die.
A man with inward courage dares to live.
-Lao-tzu

We must dare, and dare again, and go on daring.
-Georges Danton

Fear always springs from ignorance.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The principal act of courage is to endure and withstand dangers doggedly rather than to attack them.
-Thomas Aquinas

You got no guts--and you, you're a dead man!
-Sting (the wrestler)

I dare because I care.
-The Tick in The Tick: “The Tick vs. Brainchild”

Culture

When one has more substance than culture, one is a rustic; when one has more culture than substance, one is a literatus. Only when one has both substance and culture is one an exemplary person.
-Analects of Confucius 6:18 as presented in The Essential Confucius translated by Thomas Cleary


Cynics, Cynicism

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
-H. L. Mencken

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Dairy

Well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
-Mr. Mousebender, portrayed by John Cleese on Monty Python's Flying Circus in “The Cheese Shop” sketch

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
-G. K. Chesterton

"Me, I really like my cheese sandwiches."
-Johnny the Bull

Death

Life is tranquil and death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
-Isaac Asimov

In the long run we are all dead.
-John Maynard Keynes

After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
-Cato the Elder

The worms crawl in,
And the worms crawl out.
The ones that go in
Are lean and thin;
The ones that come out
Are fat and stout.
Your eyes fall in,
And your teeth fall out;
Your brains come tumbling down your snout.
Be merry my friends;
Be merry.
-“Worms”, a traditional folk song as performed by the Pogues

Decapitation

Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!
-Jerry Coleman

Desire

Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-Susan Ertz

Discoveries

The Doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
-Dizzy Dean

Drugs

The Prozac doesn't do it for me anymore.
-Everclear, "Normal Like You"

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

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Education

The learned are seldom pretty fellows, and in many cases their appearance tends to discourage a love of study in the young.
-H. L. Mencken

Effort

One must always try, Arthur.
-The Tick, The Tick: “The Tick vs. Brainchild”

Endings

If you have something of importance to say, for God's Sake start at the end.
-Sarah Jeanette Duncan

Give me a good ending any time. You know where you are with an ending.
-Atropos, The Sandman The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman

And now my story is ended.
I think it is time I should quit.
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel
Of sh...aving cream.
-Benny Bell, "Shaving Cream"

In the end, everything is a gag.
-Charlie Chaplin

In the end, only kindness matters.
-Jewel, "Hands"

Equality

The power of equality
Is not yet what it ought to be.
-Red Hot Chili Peppers, "The Power of Equality"

Everything is equal and therefore unimportant. For example, there is no way for me to say that my acts are more important than yours, or that one thing is more essential than another, therefore all things all things are equal and by being equal they are unimportant.
-Don Juan, as quoted in A Seperate Reality: Further converstions with Don Juan by Carlos Castenada

Ethics

I know I’m doing something right when my business practices gag a rat.
-Dogbert in a Dilbert strip by Scott Adams

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Fairness

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left.
-Herb Caen

Faith

If people have no faith, I don’t know what they are good for. Can a vehicle travel without a link to a source of power?
-Analects of Confucius 2:22 as presented in The Essential Confucius translated by Thomas Cleary

Footwear

I had no shoes and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
-George Carlin

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Freedom

I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Rid into the sun.
-The Vines, "Get Free"

This is a free country. Live like you wanna live, baby. Yeah, ain't nobody gonna knock it, darling.
-Chuck Berry, a spoken comment during a live performance of "My Ding-A-Ling"

Freedom of Expression

I doubt I'll be alive tomorrow, Lord. On that basis I find it particularly easy to say exactly what I think...
-Lucien in The Sandman The Kindly Ones written by Neil Gaiman

If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.
-Noam Chomsky

Asok: The great thing about free speech is that I can criticize the government.
Pointy-haired Boss: I’d fire you.
Asok: I mean outside of work.
Pointy-haired Boss: I’d fire you for that too.
Asok: May I express enjoyment of my pastry?
Pointy-haired Boss: It’s a free country.
-A Dilbert comic strip by Scott Adams collected in When Body Language Goes Bad

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Genetics

Genetics rolls strange dice on the green baize of life.
-Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett

Gratitude

I'd thank you if I weren't so evil!
-Charles a.k.a. Brainchild, The Tick: “The Tick vs. Brainchild”

Growing Up

My friends say I should act my age;
What's my age again?
-Blink 182, "What's My Age Again"

When I see the price that you pay,
I don't wanna grow up.
I don't ever wanna be that way,
And I don't wanna grow up.
Seems like folks turn into things
That they never want;
The only thing to live for is today.
-Tom Waits (although the Ramones cover may be more well-known), "I Don't Want to Grow Up"

Well I guess this is growing up.
-Blink 182, "Dammit"

No one should take themselves so seriously.
With many years ahead to fall in line.
Why would you wish that on me?
I never wann act my age.
What's my age again?
Blink 182, "What's My Age Again?"

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Heroes, Heroism, Heroics

One murder makes a villain, millions a hero.
-Beilby Porteus

There was a stir when they climbed up into the chilly morning air, followed by a few boos and even some applause. People were strange like that. Steal five dollars and you were a petty thief. Steal thousands of dollars and you were either a government or a hero.
- Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

Honesty

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
-Ovid

Honor

Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.
-Mignon McLaughlin

Humor

Laughter is the very best medicine.
Remember that when your appendix bursts next week.
-Weird Al Yankovic, "Your Horoscope For Today"

Those who are humorless should not be taken seriously. They take themselves so seriously, they leave no room for others to do likewise.
-Anton Szandor LaVey

Only a fool mistakes laughter for humor and fashion for style.
-Anton Szandor LaVey

The Gods too are fond of a joke.
-Aristotle

I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
-Hobbes, The Days Are Just Packed, a Calvin and Hobbes collection by Bill Waterson

For every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies.
-Laurence Sterne

Wit is educated insolence.
-Aristotle

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Ichthyology

It's my dead fish, and I'll do what I wish.
-Bucky Katt, Get Fuzzy by Darby Conley

Oh I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.
-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Identity Crises

Dennis Rodman, take off that plaid! We ain't got no green-haired Scotsman where I come from!"
-Roddy Piper (Rodrick Toombs)

Ignorance

The nicest thing about anything is not knowing what it is.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Tell me why
You Want to be blind.
-Everclear, "Normal Like You"

Innovation

I took the first woman-in-a-bathing-suit-with-sand shot back in 1976 or ’77. Until then, everybody was painstakingly brushing every little grain of sand off the models’ bodies. I remember it was one of the biggest jobs when shooting bathing suits; it was almost impossible to get all the sand off. We used to have assistants and editorial assistants with brushes and paper- anything that could be used to take all the sand away. This took forever, but nobody ever thought to leave it there.
-Marco Glaviano, Sirens

Intelligence

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
-Goethe

Too clever is dumb.
-German proverb

There are some things only intellectuals are crazy enough to believe.
-George Orwell

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
-Plato

Insanity

No sane man will dance.
-Cicero

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.
-Oscar Wilde

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can’t hear the music.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

He’s either going crazy or writing verse.
-Horace, Satirae

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Judgment

I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
-George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Justice

Exemplary people understand matters of justice; small people understand matters of profit.
-Analects of Confucius 1:16 as presented in The Essential Confucius translated by Thomas Cleary

Once you make it past the scales and the blindfold... Justice is a woman with a sword.
-Victoria in Y: The Last Man Book 2: Cycles Written by Brian K. Vaughan

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